i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
