non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
