i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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