mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
