the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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