Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
