i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
