I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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