Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
