I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
