I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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