I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
