I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
