she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
