You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
