We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
