I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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