If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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