come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
