Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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