I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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