Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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