marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
