Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
