I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
