I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
