Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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