Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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