In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
