They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
