too bad you live with your parents still
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
