This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
