dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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