just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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