my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
