I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
