Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
