one might say we're banned from that church
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
