just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
