Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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