Pants 0. Shit 1.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
