i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
