Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
