My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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