She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
