I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
