I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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