It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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