im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
