so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if only i could text you this smell
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
