how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dicks are not precious.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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