YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
