My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
