when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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