I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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