This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
